Friday, August 31, 2012

Things I've learned from mowing

Living in the country where we do, its a given that when you talk about your yard you really mean "acres and acres of grass" that may or may not have weeds, holes dug by your dog, tractor tracks from farm equipment being driven through it, as well as the unusual lawn ornaments like barns, grain bins, and augers. I've had unsuccesful adventures in mowing our huge lawn in the past, but Seth decided last night that today on my day off I should add mowing to my long list of things like, laundry, cleaning, laundry, cooking, laundry, taking care of a 7 month baby that just learned to crawl last night, etc.  He is so thoughtful!  My refresher course on the mower led to me enjoying a couple Lime-A-Rita's last night, a delicious drink that I strongly encourage anyone legal drinking age to thouroughly enjoy! So instead of the night ending with me feeling confident and prepared to take on the task of mowing the lawn it ended with me texting friends things such as: "limRita so good, yummy! alcohol! drinkity drink, come hav some w/me?" Please don't judge. I'm a mom now. This means my tolerance for alcohol is that of a 13 year old boy sneaking his first beer from his dad's stash in the garage.

Anyways, I want to share the things I've learned from mowing. Here goes!

1. Don't cut corners. Literally. I didn't mean to cut them, I just can't figure out how to steer the stupid zero turn radius thing. Which leads me to point #2
2. Don't just go in reverse to try to mow down the corner you just cut. For some reason the PTO doesn't operate in reverse so when you're done you see tons of triangular shaped tufts of dune grass covering your yard.
3. It's ok to be a little rude when you mow. Out here in Grass Creek, when a car goes by, you wave. When you wave while driving the Grasshopper, you then turn so sharp and hard that you get whiplash and people just end up laughing at you. So instead I just started smiling really big in hopes that they wouldn't think I was being mean...but, I'm pretty sure I looked even creepier with a big fake smile on my face full of grass.
4. Make sure to clean up all dog toys, corn stalks, and fill in all holes dug by the dog.
5. Always remember to look how wide your mowing deck REALLY is. If you don't, you'll end up running into a telephone pole in your yard and knocking it completely down. True story.
6. Don't forget about low hanging branches that you've been asking your husband nicely all summer ot trim back.  They will hit you in the face, it will hurt, and it will leave a mark!
7. Never shut the mower off next to the house because it will backfire loudly and wake the baby that you just spent an hour trying to get down for a nap.
8. Always leave a little bit of mowing left for your husband like the trimming, or a tricky place down by the road. This accomplishes two things: 1. It makes him feel manly and like you can't do anything without him 2. It excuses you from the task of clean up and loading up the lawnmower on the trailer. See, I'm not as dumb as I look!

I am always hoping if I mess up mowing enough, Seth will realize I should not do it anymore and do it himself. This worked for a while, but then my father-in-law and brother-in-law started coming over and doing it and that made me feel really guilty, which is why I did it again today. Just finished where are those Lime-A-Ritas?


  1. HILARIOUS!!! This made me laugh so hard: "I just started smiling really big in hopes that they wouldn't think I was being mean...but, I'm pretty sure I looked even creepier with a big fake smile on my face full of grass."

  2. Ha ha! While our yard is much smaller than yours, I'm hoping Gabe will be in charge of the lawn mowing. I've made it this long without using a mower (other than a push mower), why should I start now? That's what my big brother was for.

  3. I love this and hope to never have your adventures! I tell my husband that I can't mow in a straight line and he tells me to never touch the mower. Done deal!