Remember a few weeks ago when I was bragging how great I was feeling and I couldn't believe the end of my pregnancy was rapidly approaching? Yeah forget that girl and replace her with a huge swollen mess.
I am 39 weeks 2 days now, and growing grumpy and impatient. I'm having all the normal "end of pregnancy woes" like the fact that I haven't slept in two weeks, heartburn, and random emotional outbursts. At work I really try to pull it together and have a good attitude which takes a lot of energy and I've been failing lately.
But then today, after a night filled with strong contractions that I " just knew" meant the baby was coming, and then he didn't, I finally realized I need to pray about it.
So if anyone else out there is pregnant and miserable, feel free to use my words if you are having trouble finding your own.
I am coming to you, ashamed of the thoughts, feelings, and actions I have had or used this last week or so of pregnancy.
I feel like I have forgotten completely that this baby is a gift, from You. I'm sorry for that. I know I prayed for this child and I should be thankful for him, and thankful that You blessed me with him.
But my focus as of late has been one of misery. I am sore and tired. I cannot recall feeling such pain with my first pregnancy, and it is difficult for me to look past it to the joy that's around the corner. I am bitter and angry everyday that this child doesn't arrive.
First, please help the physical pain. Allow me to find some source of comfort in these last few days. I realize that the pain will soon be gone and replaced with a new baby, but lately I can not find relief. I am bitter every day and I can feel it making me feel ugly inside. Please help me fix my attitude towards the pain and find relief somehow from it.
More importantly, please help me find patience. Help me see the true beauty in this time of my life, rather than focusing on the bad parts.
Most importantly, remind me of Your Perfect Timing. This baby will come when You have determined he is to come. Your Timing is perfect, and help me to remember that. Teach me the patience I need to follow you, to trust in Your Plan.
Thank you for this pregnancy, Lord. You have blessed me with a fairly easy and healthy pregnancy, and for that I am grateful (even though I've been horrible about showing it lately). Grant me a safe delivery, and allow baby boy to come into this world in perfect health. Help me to treat my husband with love and not bitterness and resentment. He is an amazing man who is trying his best to be supportive in a time that he doesn't always know how. Remind my husband and Eli and me of Your Presence in our family as we transition from a family of three to one of four, and always, as we seek to raise a family that trusts completely in You.
Lastly, I pray for those women who are unable to conceive, and that I can bear this cross with dignity, grace, and even thankfulness. I am blessed to have been able to carry two children when so many others cannot.
And as always, teach me to better trust in You. Your Timing is perfect.